Flour, oil and God's grace

"And she and Elijah and her son continued to eat from her supply of flour and oil for many days. For no matter how much they used, there was always enough left in the containers, just as the Lord had promised through Elijah." (1Kings 17:15 and 16).

I wonder what that woman felt that first time she used up the rest of her flour and oil. She thought it was her and her son's last meal and then they would die. It's hard to imagine those feelings. But then she went back to her jars, just to check one last time maybe or because she believed what Elijah said that it wouldn't run out. There was just enough to make one more loaf of bread! A miracle! Did she feel a little more hopeful this time? Maybe this would happen again? Maybe Elijah--that crazy hobo--was right? She went back again and again and there was just enough for the next loaf. Her faith must have grown. Was there a nagging thought in the back of her mind that maybe this time it'll be all gone? Maybe the oil and flour have run out and now we will starve to death.

I can't help but compare. I think the oil and flour are like God's grace. I want to store it up like I do canned goods and toilet paper and ice cream. I want to make sure I have enough. I'm so afraid I'll run out. I'm afraid that the BIG TEST is coming up and that I'll fail because I won't have any more grace. Each day I face small tests. God's grace is always there. Just enough for the next test. But maybe one day I will use it too much and the next time it just won't be there. Maybe, just maybe it'll just run out and I'll be left...graceless. I'll starve. I'll die, because I can't live without God's grace.

In times of high anxiety, times like I faced a couple weeks ago, this is my fear. Maybe I just won't be able to get through. What if I'm left alone to fight the battle? What if God's just not there? What if He's just had enough of my neediness and just won't give anymore grace? What's around the corner? Terrible sickness for me? Horrible heath issues for Max? What if that's when the grace runs out? This attitude is debilitating. But it's often what I struggle with. Not because God's grace has ever run out. Not because I've faced terribly difficult circumstances. I guess it's because Satan will use whatever he has. He uses my personality, my weaknesses. He uses my tendency to think too much about the what ifs.

Thankfully, I have ammunition. It's the Word of God. That's what I used two weeks ago when my hormones where going crazy and I was sick and Max was sick and then later Mike was sick and all the what ifs of life were filling my mind so much that I couldn't think straight. I'm so grateful for God's comforting Word. It was a battle. It wasn't a once and for all, quote-the-scripture-and-then-it's-over kind of thing. It was a moment by moment, week-long battle. I'm glad it's over for now. And His grace will be enough next time too. It's not running out any time soon (ever!)!